Paralysed
by Abydos Jackson
Summary: Short one shot - how would Eve Mahariel feel if Alistair didn't reciprocate her feelings? Rated T out of habbit...there's nothing here that will offend, I'm sure.


Laughter...that she couldn't share. The warm glow of the fire in the otherwise cold night air....that she couldn't feel. The smile on his face as he talked with the others…that she couldn't bear to see.

Eve turned her back and walked away…into the fields, a frozen numbness settling over her like a shroud. The wet grass whipped around her bare legs as she strode with an unknown purpose…just to walk…away from the ache inside…away from that light in his eyes.

Alistair's smile invaded her thoughts and she pushed it aside with a defiant toss of her head. His enthusiasm assaulted her like a blow to her chest and she shoved it away…pressing onwards into the trees without a thought for her destination.

Eve's fists were clenched, her arms stiff at her side. She shivered as she continued her march. The drizzle in the air clung to her causing her hair to hang in damp curls around her face…her cheeks pink with the swiftness of her exertion. _Why does it hurt? It shouldn't hurt. _Alistair's cheerful oblivion stung and she picked up the pace…increasing it to a jog.

_When did this happen? How did this happen?_ How could such a man disarm her? Her pride couldn't make sense of his ability to slip under her guard. She angrily cast her memory back as she ran…finally beginning to enjoy the sensation of adrenaline as it pumped round her body. The rain started to fall harder and her wet clothing hugged her as she ran.

_They had shared loss. __Felt each other's fear. Understood what it was to feel the flow of battle in their veins as they fought side by side._ And yet she ran, her pace increasing as the cold wind picked up and swept her hair back, making her gasp in sudden surprise. Eve ran, and felt her anger slip away. She ran, and felt the pain catch in her throat; was surprised to feel hot tears against her skin. She brushed them away in frustration with the back of her hand, appalled by her lack of self control.

She'd been strong behind the walls she'd built around herself…he'd swept them aside with his smile. Her pride had made her impregnable…his laugh cut straight to her heart. She hid her pain behind an unconquerable mask…he stood beside her with his hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes…without words he'd stripped her soul bare.

Her breath was coming faster and she welcomed the pain in her chest, smiling grimly. Something real. Something she could understand. She lengthened her stride and pushed herself harder, her feet pounding into the wet earth. She could smell the soil, the sweetness of the grass and the decay of the autumn leaves. She smiled. _Faster._ She could feel the silence of the evening close around her, a welcome embrace, and she ran. _Faster_.

The rain beat against her skin now…numb with the cold she stumbled; tears mixing with the rain…her hair plastered against her head. Eve fell…arms outstretched to catch herself, and found herself on all fours in the mud as the wind howled at her mockingly. _**He doesn't love you**__._ It laughed and she gasped as the wind tore her ragged breaths away. _**He doesn't even know you love him.**_ It whispered scornfully in her ear and she sobbed. _**You're beneath him.**__**You'll never be good enough for the son of a king.**_

She pulled herself to her feet and staggered to rest her back against a tree, the branches shielding her from the worst of the growing storm. She remembered his arms around her as the nightmares tore her from sleep; how he'd held her face in his hands and wiped away the frantic tears. Thought of the times she'd studied him in puzzlement as he sought her out to tell her a story, his arms gesturing wildly in excitement at the pleasure it gave him. She drew her arms around her body and squeezed herself tightly, her eyes closed against the driving rain. She'd fallen a little every day; unaware as the walls tumbled down around her feet. _He re-made me. I'm re-forged. I've lost myself in him. _

Eve felt her breath begin to steady as her heart beat slowed, and bending slightly she rested her palms against her thighs, blinking away her tears, taking in slow, deep breaths. She tilted her head back against the tree trunks and puffed out a sigh, biting her lower and lip, seeking control, and then raised her head as she became aware of another presence.

Alistair was watching her silently from the gloomy shadows of the night drawing in. She could see his shoulders heaving and knew he'd also been running. His clothes as soaked as hers, one hand moved to push his wet hair from his eyes, as the other rested on the pommel of the sword at his belt. Their eyes met and locked and they stood…frozen in sudden shared understanding.

Alistair's eyes spoke the same words a thousand times over, _I'm sorry, so sorry, forgive me, I can't… _

Her heart drummed against her chest…as she stood paralysed…a startled deer caught as the hunter drew his bow.

And then the moment was veiled and he grinned at her.

_I'm lost. _She eyed him carefully as he strode over to her, aware of the familiar warmth of his presence. He reached out a friendly hand and squeezed her shoulder. _I need you_ his smile said. _I can't do this without you_, the weight of his hand told her. _Don't leave…_

Eve steeled herself as she found herself returning the grin. She shook herself and shrugged away his hand gently. "I just needed to run…" She muttered unnecessarily.

"Eve…are you ok? Have you finished running now?"

_Have I? _Eve glanced up at him, both cut by the hidden concern and warmed by his fond affection. She was paralysed…trapped. His eyes sought hers again…searching her face for the agreement he needed. Her shoulders slumped. She could deny him nothing. They needed each other. Eve managed a small nod and a trembling smile.

Alistair's features relaxed and he jerked his head in the direction of the camp site. Eve nodded again and didn't resist as he draped a friendly arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, as, hunched against the rain, they made their way back. She listened half-heartedly to his chatter, a cold clarity grounding her suddenly. She wouldn't run…couldn't run…all roads led back to him.

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With heartfelt thanks to Setrus…for so much I can't write it all down…but mostly for putting up with me. ;-)


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